Perpetuatl Darwin: Robbing Black Belts

FOX POINT, Wis. (AP) - Not learning from his predecessors, a robber idiotically targeted a Tae Kwon Do studio in suburban Milwaukee for his hit.

Studio owner David Kang was giving a private lesson Tuesday and heard someone in his office. Kang found the man going through his closet, grabbed him by the neck and sat him down while he called police.

The robber took off and Kang gave chase, finally catching up with the man and holding him by the neck until police arrived.

Woman finds hungry calico cat hiding in $27 couch

SPOKANE, Wash.(The Spokesman-Review) - The mysterious mewing in Vickie Mendenhall's home started about the same time she bought a used couch for $27.

After days of searching for the source of the noise, she found a very hungry calico cat living in her sofa.

Her boyfriend, Chris Lund, was watching TV on Tuesday night and felt something move inside the couch.

He pulled it away from the wall, lifted it up and there was the cat, which apparently had crawled through a small hole on the underside.

Mendenhall contacted Value Village, where she bought the couch, but the store had no information on who donated it.

So she took the cat to SpokAnimal CARE, the animal shelter where she works, so it could recover, and contacted media outlets in hopes of finding the owner.

Sure enough, Bob Killion of Spokane showed up to claim the cat on Thursday after an acquaintance alerted him to a TV story about it.

Killion had donated a couch on Feb. 19, and his nine-year-old cat, Callie, disappeared at about the same time.

Wash. man caught in HOV lane with unbuckled dummy

BELLEVUE, Wash. (AP) - The State Trooper pulled over a commuter in the HOV lane for a run-of-the mill seat belt violation after spotting the belt buckle dangling on the passenger side. What he found was anything but.

The passenger did not need to be belted in. The passenger was nothing more than a rain jacket draped over plastic piping, topped off with a Halloween mask of Gandalf, the "Lord of the Rings" wizard, a beard and a baseball cap.

Patrol spokeswoman Christina Martin told The Herald of Everett that the driver acknowledged trying to beat traffic by using the HOV lane.

The trooper issued a $124 ticket and confiscated the dummy.

Naked KFC...a Recap.

Because I referenced the story, but never posted the original.

Saturday, February 28, 2009 - TUL- MANCHESTER - Three KFC workers were hoaxed by a cruel prank caller into spraying themselves with a fire extinguisher, stripping naked and then going outside.

Cook Mary McCarthy said the Daniel Webster Highway store manager, Sonia Gilbert, received a phone call Thursday from someone claiming to be from the corporate office, telling her to test the fire suppression system.

Gilbert complied, and McCarthy said that resulted in the release of a chemical powder in the sandwich area where she and a third employee, Fay Owens, were working.

The caller then told the women to strip and go outside, because they had been contaminated. That’s when police got involved.

Police Sgt. Todd Boucher said officers went to the restaurant in response to a call about a naked woman standing in a doorway.
Boucher said the caller had told the employees to go outside and strip and urinate on one another.

As fire, health department and police investigated the incident, McCarthy stood outside the side door of the restaurant, wearing one jacket and using another as a skirt.
Standing next to a pile of clothing on the ground, McCarthy said: “We had to strip out here.”

The KFC workers were sent to a local hospital. District Fire Chief Michael Gamache said because the chemical powder is a respiratory irritant, employees needed to be checked and the restaurant needed to be cleaned and cleared to reopen by the City Health Department.

Manchester KFC BURNED again.

MANCHESTER – A man was burned last night when he fell into a deep-fryer unit at a fried chicken restaurant, officials said.

The incident happened at the Kentucky Fried Chicken branch at 677 Daniel Webster Highway, officials said. The same KFC that got a prank call ending in employees naked outside. Being told to pee on each other.

District Fire Chief Al Poulin said the 20-year-old man, whose identity wasn't available, had been cleaning an exhaust hood over the fryer.
"He slipped and fell, and he fell down into the Friolator," Poulin said.

The man suffered burns to both arms, his face and his chest, Poulin said. The severity of the burns was not known, he said. The man was taken to a local hospital for treatment.

racist fired for black jokes.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. (AP) — The mayor of Orange County city Los Alamitos says he will resign after sendingan off-color email to a "small group for friends."

The email was a picture depicting the White House lawn planted with watermelons under the title "No Easter egg hunt this year."

Mayor Dean Grose issued a statement Thursday saying he is sorry and will step down as mayor at Monday's City Council meeting. He admits that the e-mail was in poor taste and claims he was unaware of the racial stereotype linking black people with eating watermelons.

Things that Are OBVIOUSLY making fun of Asians.

But no, Ms. Cyrus claims that it has been taken out of context:
'I've been told there are some people upset about some pictures taken of me with friends making goofy faces!
'Well, I'm sorry if those people looked at those pics and took them wrong and out of context. I'm no way was I making fun of any ethnicity.'
[subtext: I'm not racist, look! I have an ASIAN FRIEND....]

Crime of the Century!

SOMERS POINT, N.J. (CBS/AP) ― A 20-year-old has pleaded guilty to needlessly killing an animal for running over some baby ducks in a Somers Point parking lot.

Steven Davey of Egg Harbor Township was fined more than $1,000. He can get some of that reduced by volunteering at an animal shelter.

An SPCA officer says Davey swerved around other cars that had stopped for the ducklings in August and ran over them.

the nerve.

An unidentified skier at Colorado's ritzy Vail resort was left dangling upside down and pantsless from a chairlift last Friday morning. The January 2 mishap apparently occurred after the male skier and a child boarded a high-speed lift in Vail's Blue Sky Basin. It appears that the chairlift's fold-down seat was somehow not in the lowered position, which caused the man to partially fall through the resulting gap. His right ski got jammed in the ascending chairlift, and that kept him upended since his boot never dislodged from its binding.

The exposed skier was stuck for about 15 minutes before Vail personnel backed the lift up and successfully dislodged the unidentified man from the four-seat chair.

Blowtorch snow removal: GREAT IDEA.

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. -- New Bedford fire officials say a homeowner using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch set the home on fire causing up to $30,000 in damage.
No one was injured, though the man's ego did suffer second-degree burns.

Kruger says the man was using a torch hooked up to a 20-pound propane cylinder. He got too close to the building's wood frame and ignited the vinyl siding. The fire quickly spread into the building's uninsulated exterior wall and then into the second and third-floor apartments.

It took 25 firefighters to subdue the blaze that damaged bedrooms in the second- and third-floor units, and caused damage to the structure and wiring.

yo why'd you shit in my helado?!?!

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A riotous fight broke out in one of Sydney's main tourist pubs after a family got served poop cream.
The shitting in dish came after the family complained about noise during a soccer game.

State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it.

"The stench went through my nostrils, I retched and spat it into the napkin," Jessica Whyte told the Daily Telegraph newspaper, recounting what local media are calling "gelati-gate."

The tainted sweet was allegedly served up at the Coogee Bay Hotel, one of Sydney's largest and most popular beachfront hotels, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach.

The pub has denied serving excrement to the Whyte's after they complained they were unable to hear a televised football game due to loud music, with both the chef and restaurant manager volunteering for DNA tests to prove their innocence.

Ultimate Wedding Stagefright.

TOKYO (Reuters) - Rather than go through with an unwanted wedding, a Japanese man set fire to the hotel where the ceremony was to be held.

Tatsuhiko Kawata, 39, had gone along with wedding plans despite already having a wife, the Yomiuri newspaper said.

"I thought if I set a fire I wouldn't have to go through with the wedding," the Yomiuri quoted him as telling police.

Guests at the hotel were evacuated and no one was injured when he set the fire in the early hours of Sunday morning at the resort hotel in Yamanashi Prefecture, west of Tokyo.

Kawata and his fiancee had been set to get married before 80 guests. He was arrested after suddenly cancelling the event and behaving suspiciously, the Yomiuri said.

Religious Goons cannot be Firemen.

Jpost- Washington DC Fire Department regulations dictate that you are not allowed to have a beard while on the force.
Muslims, Jews, and Christians alike are banding together to fight this standard.
The DCFD sites saftey reasons as a reason to continue the ban, but god-wingers are arguing that their freedoms are being infringed upon.
And by arguing, I mean six of them are bringing the city to court.
This is hte second time the case will come to court, on an appeal. DC has previously sided with the holy men.

Fire dept. argument is not "let their faces burn," but actually that the beards interfere with airtight oxygen masks.
I say hell, let their faces burn, if thats what they want.

New Ugg Fashion statement

A man who ram-raided a supermarket clad only in a sheet and a pair of Ugg boots has been jailed for four years.

David Ball, 32, from Tyseley, Birmingham, was drunk when he raided the supermarket and stole cigarettes.

He then led police on a high-speed car chase through Warwickshire before being arrested after the incident in April.

Ball was sentenced at Birmingham Crown Court for aggravated vehicle taking, burglary, driving with excess alcohol and other driving offences.

Ball was two-and-half times over the drink-driving limit when he was arrested on 16 April and told police he had no recollection of the offence and had been asleep in the back of the car.

However, when shown the CCTV footage, he said he remembered the crime and pleaded guilty. And this guilty plea was taken into consideration for the sentencing.

The court heard how an "extremely drunk" Ball had got up in the middle of the night and stolen his girlfriend Tricia Dowling's Ugg boots and Renault Clio before the crime.
The prosecution told the court Ball had "very little recollection" of the night.

Beam It up, Scotty! I want some Yves!

ORLANDO, Fla. -- A mysterious box with an antenna found hidden inside a Wal-Mart was a planted spy camera set up to beam customer credit card numbers to thieves in the parking lot, police said.

Officers evacuated the Wal-Mart store located on Turkey Lake Road near Sand Lake Road Thursday night after someone noticed the box wrapped in black tape near a counter.
The bomb squad was called to the store and no explosives were found.

When officers investigated the box, they found it contained a spy camera set to capture credit card numbers as people used them inside the business.

Deputies said the images were apparently beamed to a van in the store's parking lot.

Deputies said they were not sure if the thieves were able to get anyone's credit card numbers during the time the box was in place.

MY Sister, the Terrorist.

The US Transportation Security Administration has done a backflip on a policy of adding people who had forgotten their ID to its database of suspect fliers.

The scheme kicked off in June, according to USA Today, the same time the agency officially declared people could not board planes in the US unless they showed ID.

At the time the TSA said it would still allow people who had misplaced, as opposed to refused to show, their ID on to planes. But there was no mention of the database.

Being added to the database, effectively meant that innocent but absent-minded fliers in the US would find their IDs slapped in a database with everyone else the TSA decided was an undesirable, including people who breached flight securities regulations or acted suspiciously. Or are foreign. (We’re guessing on that last one.)

Hawley said names of the ID-forgetful already in the database would be expunged within the month.

However, people simply deemed to have been “acting suspiciously” and who have been questioned by airport police will remain in the database for 15 years, along with information about their travelling companions.

Cash Grab On 10 Freeway Creates Hazardous Situation

LOS ANGELES -- An unexpected shower of money rained down on a Southern California freeway when a motorcyclist dropped a canvas bag with $2,000 on Interstate 10 in the Monterey Park area east of Los Angeles.

According to CHP Officer Anthony Martin, a motorcyclist dropped a computer bag full of cash on the eastbound freeway at Garfield Avenue, about five miles east of the Los Angeles Civic Center.

The money scattered on the freeway at about 11 a.m. Sunday and passing motorists couldn't resist a grab for cash.

Several vehicles simply stopped in 65 mph traffic to pick up the loose bills and drove away.

The Harley-Davidson driver said he got back only about $100.

Cash Grab On 10 Freeway Creates Hazardous Situation

LOS ANGELES -- An unexpected shower of money rained down on a Southern California freeway when a motorcyclist dropped a canvas bag with $2,000 on Interstate 10 in the Monterey Park area east of Los Angeles.

According to CHP Officer Anthony Martin, a motorcyclist dropped a computer bag full of cash on the eastbound freeway at Garfield Avenue, about five miles east of the Los Angeles Civic Center.

The money scattered on the freeway at about 11 a.m. Sunday and passing motorists couldn't resist a grab for cash.

Several vehicles simply stopped in 65 mph traffic to pick up the loose bills and drove away.

The Harley-Davidson driver said he got back only about $100.

Taking the Law into your own hands:

Rockaway Beach, Queens― Normal day at the Deli.
A roast beef here, a BLT there....
"Mother F***er where's my mayonaise?!?!?"
KNIFE FIGHT. [and caught on film. which i am omitting, for the kids.]

After being asked to leave for an unknown reason, an angry regular pulled his knife on employees.
July 24 a similar incident occured in Brooklyn, when bodega thieves were fought off with a machete and large carving knives, which employees just *happened* to have at the ready behind the counter.
After his arrest, 29 year-old Arno Ortho claimed that "It was only self-defense."
But the stores video cameras show Orno yelling at clerks and spitting in one's face.

Employees attempt to push him out the door with sticks, so naturally...Orno slashes them.

One employee received 22 stitches in the forearm. The store owner, Abdul Allahiben, said the other man is much more seriously injured. Rockaway Deli is a decade-and-counting neighborhood staple.

"All I know is my wounds are deep," Orno explained. It must be truly life-changing, getting pickles instead of hots.

Father of three drowns in front of his family after ignoring signs warning not to swim in sea

A father-of-three drowned in front of his family after ignoring warnings not to swim in treacherous seas at a British holiday resort.
The 42-year-old holidaymaker and his son went for a dip in Teignmouth, Devon, despite red flags advising beach-goers not to enter the water.

They were hit by an 'extreme' tide and strong rip-currents and were dragged under as the man's terrified wife and two other children watched in horror.

She raised the alarm at around 4pm on Thursday and a police helicopter spotted her husband's body floating in the sea.

He was dragged back onto Pole Sands beach by lifeguards and was airlifted to Torbay Hospital, but he died before arriving.

moral of the story: DON'T swim when the COAST GUARD advises you NOT to!