"Armed Guard" robs church.

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - Police in Lincoln, Neb., say a man posing as an armored car guard made off with more than $145,000 from a church.

Police Officer Katie Flood said Wednesday that a man dressed as a guard walked into the financial office of the Berean Church on Tuesday and told an employee he was there to pick up the weekly deposit.

The employee said the man appeared to know what he was doing, so she gave him the deposit of more than $145,000 in cash and checks.

The real armored car and driver arrived about 15 minutes later and church employees realized they had been robbed.

The nondenominational Berean Church has more than 7,000 members and 20 pastors.

holy shit its batman

While Batman was holding up a Tulsa, Okla grocery store, a peon stepped in to hold the guman until police arrived.

A surveillance video captured several minutes of the struggle as the customer, Craig Stutzman, single-handedly wrestled the robber across the store before finally pinning the phony Batman to the ground in the store's parking lot.

The 44-year-old "American Hero" is also an American Airlines mechanic. He was at the Food Pyramid to buy some dog food. What a man.

The robber, Tony Leroy Cleveland, waved a loaded gun at customers and store employees, herding them to the front of the store.

According to Tulsa police reports, when a customer ducked behind a counter, Cleveland fired the gun, missing the customer's head by mere inches.
The gun then jammed, and that's when Stutzman seized his opportunity.

Of course he was pistol whipped at least half a dozen times, but Stutzman told the Tulsa paper, "You know, it just happened. There's no big thing about it."

Adolf Hitler taken from Parents.

HOLLAND TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Three New Jersey siblings whose names have Nazi connotations have been placed in state custody, police said.

Holland Township Police Sgt. John Harris said workers from the state Division of Youth and Family Services removed 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell and his younger sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, from their home Tuesday.

Harris said family services did not tell police the reason the children were removed. Agency spokeswoman Kate Bernyk said it does not comment on specific cases.
I'd say it's because their parents are Aryan Nation CREEPS
GO STATE. +10.

Frisbee team told to drop nickname

A British university frisbee team has been told to change its nickname to avoid offending mental health patients.

Staffordshire University's Ultimate Frisbee Club uses the name Mental Discs on a logo, which is printed on its kit.

But the university's Students' Union, which sponsors the club, has told the team to re-brand to avoid complaints.

genius rich guy gets it right.

Andrew Lahde's $80m Los Angeles-based firm Lahde Capital Management in Los Angeles made a huge return last year by betting against subprime mortgages.

Yesterday the 37-year-old told his clients that he had hated the business and had only been in it for the money. And after declaring he would no longer manage money for other people, because he had enough of his own, Lahde said that instead he intended to repair his stress-damaged health; he made it clear he would not miss the financial world.

"The low-hanging fruit, ie idiots whose parents paid for prep school, Yale and then the Harvard MBA, was there for the taking," he wrote. "These people who were (often) truly not worthy of the education they received (or supposedly received) rose to the top of companies such as AIG, Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers and all levels of our government," he said.

"All of this behaviour supporting the aristocracy only ended up making it easier for me to find people stupid enough to take the other side of my trades. God bless America."

Lahde became one of the biggest names in the investment industry when one of his funds produced a return of 866% last year, largely by forecasting the US home loans industry would collapse.

In his farewell letter, which concluded with an appeal for the legalisation of marijuana, Lahde said he was happy with his rewards and did not envy those who had made even more money.

"I will let others try to amass nine, 10 or 11 figure net worths. Meanwhile, their lives suck," he wrote, citing a life of back-to-back business appointments relieved only by a two-week annual holiday in which financiers are still "glued to their Blackberries".

Lahde's retirement came amid an implosion among the hedge fund industry - some 350 of the funds have liquidated this year, according to Hedge Fund Research.

His final words of advice? "Throw the Blackberry away and enjoy life."

Moldy Mattress Nets Inmate $295k

SEPTEMBER 19--A Wisconsin man serving time for reckless homicide yesterday was awarded $295,000 by a federal jury that found the inmate's constitutional rights were violated when he was forced to spend two months sleeping on a moldy, waterlogged mattress. Reggie Townsend, 29, scored the six-figure windfall after a U.S. District Court panel decided that he was improperly treated while locked up in late-2004 at the New Lisbon Correctional Institution. The jury's special verdict can be found below. Following a jail riot, Townsend spent about 60 days in a 12' x 6' segregation unit he shared with another state inmate. During that period, the jury found that Townsend had to sleep on the cell floor atop a thin mattress adjacent to the shower. The mattress, Townsend claimed, soon became "wet, moldy and foul smelling" and was not replaced despite his complaints to jail guards. Though he did not suffer any physical harm from the unsanitary bedding, Townsend was deprived of the "minimal civilized measure of life's necessities," the jury decided after deliberating six hours. While the $295,000 punitive damage award was levied against Jerry Allen, a corrections officer, the State of Wisconsin may end up on the hook for the alleged actions (or inaction) of its employee. Townsend is serving 23 years for his role in a Milwaukee street shootout that left an 11-year-old girl dead. The child was hit by a stray bullet while inside her grandmother's home.

E-mail story to a friend.
Buzz up!

American Sexpress Card: Don't jump in bed without it, founder says

Sexually active New Yorkers looking to wise up before turning the lights down can verify their partners' sexual health status with a simple glance in their wallet. Manhattan-based company STFree Certifications provides its health-conscious customers a sexual history "license" with a phone number on the back that enables them to prove their testing backgrounds to potential partners. More than 15,000 people nationwide have signed up for the STFree service, launched in 2004 by Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, native Eli Dancy.

Pack Rat finds $400,000. CASH.

Craig Sexton of 1-800-Got Junk has seen all kinds of weird things in the many estate clean-ups he's done. There was a fridge of rotted cheese and rotted cans of salmon.

But nothing prepared Sexton for what he found in the suite above an old deli called the Lido in east Vancouver in February.

"Under a rug we found a thousand dollars," he said. But that's not all, a caretaker discovered a paper bag in a closet was filled with $400,000 in cash.

The bills date back to the 1930s depression era, making them worth over $50 million in today's dollars.

Kerridge and his business partner Paul Murrary have imagined all kinds of scenarios about where the money came from: bank robberies, Bootlegging, Nazi war criminals.

"All us Rothweilers always hang onto our bucks eh?," said Jack Rothweiler, the nephew of Margaret and her late husband, Chris.

The money at the Lido has gone to Margaret's side of the family. Much of it was made from playing the ponies and investing in real estate in the neighbourhood.

"Margaret knew how to hold on to a buck. (I'll say) Yeah,'' said Rothweiler "That's a family trait. I've got some squirreled away too."

Man Uses Balloon, Lawn Chair to Float Across Oregon

Kent Couch used a makeshift aircraft, composed of a lawnchair and balloons to fly across the Oregon sky. He felt short of his goal, which was to reach Idaho.
Kent Couch traveled nearly 200 miles and more than nine hours Saturday. He attached more than 100 helium-filled balloons to his lawn chair and took off from his gas station in Bend, Ore.

"It was serene, just like you're on top of a cloud laying there," Couch said on "Good Morning America" today. "It was just like being on ice, nice and smooth."

Couch and his supplies weighed about 310 pounds, and each balloon weighed about 5 pounds. He used approximately 200 pounds of ballast to keep him anchored at the appropriate altitude.

Couch traveled as high as 13,000 feet [2 miles!] as he floated toward his intended destination of Idaho.

The 47-year-old said just when he began to question what he was doing, the makeshift aircraft ran into turbulence.
Couch touched down in a field near Union, Ore., not quite making it to his Idaho target. The father of five said he would love to take his lawn chair for another flight, this time ending in Idaho. But, he said he is unsure whether his wife would allow him to do so — helium-filled balloons, in turns out, are very expensive.

Disarming stressed-out cops?

BEIJING (Reuters) - Police facing emotional strains due to financial or romantic problems could be stripped of their department-issued handguns in China's Jiangxi province, a newspaper reported on Thursday.

The public security bureau in the province will begin inspections this month to make sure officers who have received administrative punishments, or are under investigation, will not be able to carry firearms, the Southern Metropolis Daily said.

Guns would also be retrieved from "officers who are suffering from serious illnesses or face psychological and emotional instability resulting from love or marriage frustrations and heavy debt," the newspaper reported, citing an announcement from the Jiangxi public security bureau.

Police officers carry guns in China but several mishaps have led to a debate over whether tighter restrictions are needed to govern when officers can use lethal force.

Last November, a doctor in the southern city of Guangzhou was shot dead by patrolling officers when he resisted police attempts to inspect his car.

A district police chief, allegedly disgruntled about his demotion, shot dead a deputy Communist Party boss of Hohhot city in Inner Mongolia in February.

HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWESOME.

Hardwired for love: Are robots the sex partners of the future?
In the mood for a little skin-to-skin?" coos a lover slipping between the sheets.
"Not tonight," mumbles the partner, turning around. "Just make it with the robot, if you want."

A kinky sci-fi fantasy? Love and lust in the 23rd century?
Not at all, says David Levy, a PhD in gender studies and artificial intelligence and author of "Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relations".
By mid-century, predicts the 62-year-old expert, getting it on with an electronic femme-fatale or a superstud sexbot will become an accepted part of the human landscape.

"Think of it: great sex on tap, 24/7," he said. People may even fall in love with their hard-wired sex slaves, he adds.
Not everyone embraces Levy's vision of a future where humanoids guarantee satisfaction in bed along with pre-programmed post-coital conversation.
But many agree it is on the cards, given exponential leaps in computer power, progress in mimicking human muscles and movements, and headway in artificial intelligence (AI) software to replicate emotions and personality.

A company in Japan, Axis, has already produced the world's first, rudimentary, sexbot -- for men.
Called Honeydolls, the lifesize figures are made from surgical-grade silicone and resin, and are equipped with voice-emitting sensors in each breast. Pinch the nipples, and Cindy (or Soari or Maria, depending on the model) will react with a squeal and whisper pre-programmed sweet nothings in one's ear.
Customised MP3 audio files can be substituted for a more personal touch. Price tag: 7,000 dollars (4,800 euros).