Sperminating on a whole new level.

PITTSFIELD (Berkshire Eagle) — A woman who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother's semen has been charged with domestic assault and battery.

Jennifer A. Lighten, 33, told police that Stephanie Lighten, her 26-year-old wife, was "all liquored up" when she returned to their Lincoln Street apartment, where the defendant then allegedly tried to use a syringe to inseminate her, according to a police report.

Jennifer told investigating officers that Stephanie "has been talking about trying to impregnate (her) for some time," police said.

According to a report by Pittsfield Police Officer Kipp D. Steinman: "Jennifer said that Stephanie had a 'turkey baster and her brother's semen in a sealed container.' Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn't want to get pregnant." The device was actually a large syringe with a catheter tip, police said, and it was still in its original package when officers confiscated the item.

That's allegedly when Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch, grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her, police said.

When Stephanie went to retrieve an ice pack from the freezer, Jennifer bolted from the apartment and attempted to get away in the couple's sport utility vehicle, police said.

The Teeth are Free.

FALMOUTH, Mass. – A customer shopping at a Wal-Mart got a little surprise in his new money receptacle: human teeth. Police say the man found 10 human teeth Saturday when he unzipped a compartment in the wallet. One tooth had a filling.

The customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to employees at the Falmouth store but left without giving his name.

Police investigating the incident told The Cape Cod Times that the teeth belong to an adult, but since there was no blood or gum tissue on the teeth, they would be unable to perform DNA tests.

Walmar believes it was an "isolated incident," but will investigate.

Even the Jews are CRUNCHED

A financial crisis is forcing Brandeis University to close the school's 48-year-old Rose Art Museum in September and to sell off a prized collection of contemporary American art, the university announced today.
To read more, visit boston.com

Labor is no excuse for driving in the breakdown lane, ma'am.

Jennifer Davis was stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on Nov. 18, her contractions just 3 minutes apart. Her husband, John, was trying to appear calm for his wife's sake, driving in the breakdown lane of Route 2. They pulled up behind a state trooper to ask whether they could continue using the lane to reach the next exit, near Alewife Station.

Not only did the trooper say no, he gave them a $100 citation for driving in the breakdown lane, made them wait for their citation while he finished writing someone else's ticket, and even seemed to ask for proof of pregnancy, Jennifer Davis said.

"He said, 'What's under your jacket?' I said, 'My belly,' " Davis said. "He waited and gestured with his head like, 'OK, let's see it.' He waited for me to unzip my jacket. I mean, it was so clear that I was pregnant."

The Davises say the contretemps occurred after two other troopers they encountered had waved them along in the highway breakdown lane, allowing them to evade gridlock while advising them to be cautious and keep their hazard lights on.

While State Police spokesman David Procopio declined to comment on the merits of this stop, he noted that state law prohibits driving in breakdown lanes on Route 2.

"The trooper made a judgment call to enforce the law governing the use of the breakdown lane," said Procopio. "If the couple does choose to submit a letter of complaint, we'll review it in accordance with our procedure."

Wilkerson may be trying to revitalize Roxbury, but that doesn't mean she aint shady.

Senator Diane Wilkerson has been arrested after a year and a half FBI investigation.
She takes bribes, and sticks them in her bra.
Like any lady would.

UMDNJ Fires Paramedics Over Alleged KKK Hazing

The University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey has fired three paramedics over an apparent hazing incident involving KKK-style robes and crosses.

The incident was recorded on a cel lcamera. Photos show trainees wearing KKK robes this past Sunday.

UMDNJ President William Owen told the Star-Ledger that the incident was some kind of hazing of the trainees, who are students from Northeastern University in Boston. Officials from both institutions condemned the act and the photos.

"UMDNJ has never and will never tolerate attitudes and behaviors that discriminate against any individual or group. The actions taken by the individuals in this instance are appalling. Nonetheless, the investigation is still ongoing. The institution has an aggressive zero-tolerance philosophy for wrongdoing and is committed to fostering an environment that protects and supports all of its workforce," university officials said in a statement.

drunk bros step up to cops @ now defunct :( Good Times Emporium.

24 year old Michael Vaughan did what so many do on nights of
drinking.....took his bud light t the porch to enjoy alongside his
cigarette. When told that this went againts the Good Time policy, he
shouted at employees "Dude, get real. I'll do what I want," according
to police reports. He proceeded to make fun of the staff, calling the
messengers of bad news Nazis.
"Yeah, right, dude. Like I might leave," was Vaughan's response to
being banned from the bar.

Enter detail wokers Officer James Slattery and Sgt. John Vozella, who
tell Vaughan he will be arrested if he doesn't see himself out.
"Dude, are you for real?"
Turns out, they were. He left with a friend, but they came back a few
minutes later.
"Dude, I'm coming in. What are you going to do? Do you know who I am?
I'm from Pembroke, Massachusetts," Vaughn allegedly told Sgt.
Vozella.[HILARIOUS]
Vaughan and Tassinari(said friend) allegedly both live at 128 Pleasant
St. in Hanson, according to police reports.
Vaughan was arrested. Friend Tassinari got angry,a nd tried to free
Vaughan from his handcuffs.
Vaughan and Tassinari were both charged with disorderly conduct and
resisting arrest. Vaughan was also charged with trespassing.

EXCELLENT.

PTown: Not Just for Nakey Sunbathing Anymore.

[an aside: to my husband that owns the furniture store with cute sheep downtown: when you decide you want to impregnate a female, I'm ready.]

Locals dudes have fled the bathhouse for a more open environment...the national shore. And poor little Timmy and his fam are NOT happy about seeing gay sex acts in the open.

Cape Cod National Seashore officials said they are cracking down on public sex acts along the picturesque shoreline. The number of citations has more than tripled, from an average of 40 to 132 last year.

Officials are baffled as to why the penny candy and drag queen mecca has suddenly become an outdoor orgy.

Recent complaints have included whale-watchers sailing past large groups of nude men, and families stumbling upon people engaged in sex acts on the pristine national shore that attracts tens of thousands of vacationers from throughout the world each year.

One complaint, issued in 2007, was from a New Jersey family walking in the dunes who encountered couples and a large group of men having “sex in the nude, including oral and anal sex right out in the open,” the Cape Cod Times reported last week.

“The majority is gay, but we’ve had issues with hetero sex as well. Families are upset and outraged,” Price said.

It's an EMU, not an ostrich...DONT HIT IT!

GREENFIELD --'We were driving home on Interstate 91 from Brattleboro Wednesday afternoon around 3 p.m., and were just coming into Greenfield when my girlfriend starts shouting 'Look, look! There are ostriches running across the highway!' recalls Robert Berube, a home improvement contractor from Colrain.

He said his girlfriend, Donna Pedigo, who's a nursing student from Greenfield, insisted that they stop and try to save the birds -- which turned out to be emus -- before they were hit by a car and injured.
'I used a 50-foot contractor's extension cord to lasso the first one. I made a loop in it and tossed it over the bird's head,' he said.

'As I was getting the first one, Donna was trying to chase down the second one, but it ran away so fast she abandoned the pursuit,' Berube said. [pussy]

The couple followed the second bird up a slope to a fence that runs along the highway and then herded it back down into a swampy area, where the battle continued.
'I tried to lasso it again, but the loop was too big and he ran right through it, so I had to try and tackle him. 'That bird kicked my ass!' Berube recalled ruefully.

The bird kicked him in the stomach several times and also clawed at his arm before he and Pedigo could get the extension cord around its neck. 'Another guy stopped to help us and got his leg clawed. I tried to warn him, but it was too late,' he said.

The emus had been at large since Sunday, when their owner, Arthur Dahowski, of 716 Mohawk Trail, inadvertently left their pen open as he rushed off to deal with a family medical emergency.

According to Dahowski, it was fortuitous that Pedigo and Berube found the birds -- state officials had said that they might have had to shoot the emus if they had interfered with traffic on the highway. There had been several sightings over the past few days, and officers had seen them running along local roads.
'They saved those animals,' he said.

Fight breaks out during party at Chuck E. Cheese

NATICK - Two Boston-area moms are being summoned to court after police say they got into a fistfight at Chuck E. Cheese Saturday when one woman's son "hogged" an arcade game from the other's 9-year-old birthday boy.

Catherine Aliaga, 38, and Tarsha Williams, 33, will be charged with simple assault and battery after they started shouting and scuffling at a celebration for Aliaga's son's birthday.

"Unfortunately, a birthday night out turned into a birthday melee," police Sgt. Paul Thompson said. "I don't even know if they finished their pizza." AMAZING QUOTE, COP GUY.

Officers responded at 6:50 p.m. to a number of 911 calls, finding Aliaga with red marks on her upper chest, Thompson said.

Aliaga took offense to Williams' 13-year-old son using a basketball game machine for a long time, the sergeant said. Aliaga told her son to be patient while the other boy had his turn with the game.

At one point, Williams' son apparently pushed the boy, who accused him of "hogging" the game.

Aliaga said the other boy was done shooting hoops, and Williams replied, "No, he's not," Thompson said.

"Next thing you know, words were exchanged," and things got physical between the moms with shouts, shoves and pushes, the sergeant said.

"Williams lunged at Aliaga, grabbed her and began to hit her," punching her on the side of her face, Thompson said.

Williams told Aliaga, "the fight was not over and it would continue outside in the parking lot," Thompson said.

Police arrived to find the women in the birthday room.

They sent the women and their children home separately, Thompson said.

Aliaga, of 14 Elliswood St., West Roxbury, and Williams, of 51 Ellington St., Dorchester, will be summoned to court at a later date, the sergeant said.
"We are taking charges out against both of them," he said.