chill out, brah

OMAHA, Neb. - A man who tried to cool out his hyper cat by stuffing her into a boxlike homemade bong faces cruelty charges — and catcalls from animal lovers.

Lancaster County sheriff's deputies responding to a domestic disturbance call Sunday alleged they saw 20-year-old Acea Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose attached to a duct-taped, plastic glass box in which the cat had been stuffed.

"This cat was just dazed," Sgt. Andy Stebbing said. "She was on the front seat of the cop car, wrapped in a blanket, and never moved all the way to the humane society."

An abortion! How thoughtful!

Planned Parenthood is under fire for handing out gift certificates for its services this holiday season.
Pro-life supporters say the scheme by Planned Parenthood of Indiana denigrates the holiday season.

The network of 35 clinics across the state announced it is offering holiday vouchers for basic health care services "or the recipient's choice of birth control method."

Planned Parenthood's annual exams for women, which include Pap tests and breast exams, typically cost $58. The vouchers can be used for the exams, but also for insurance copays and for medication. The initiative was started to protect the almost one million uninsured Indiana women.

But opponents of abortion said Planned Parenthood was making a "mockery" of the holiday season.

Quote of hte story: "They deserve coal in their stocking, not money for lethal gift certificates," said Sister Diane Carollo, director of the Office for Pro-Life Ministry for the Catholic Archdiocese of Indianapolis.

Officer, I did NOT kill her on purpose.

SPRINGFIELD, Ohio -- A Tri-State woman is in critical condition Wednesday after police say her husband shot her while they were having sex.

Timothy Havens, 38, told Springfield police he was reaching for something on the nightstand when the pistol went off accidentaly, hitting his estranged wife Carolyn in the upper chest.

Havens, though claiming innocence, has a history of domestic violence. He served 60 days in jail for assaulting his wife and was ordered to go to anger management classes.

Storm Troop the Albertsons!

Michigan State troopers raided Oak Ridge Market in Fraser Tuesday....to scoop up lots of contraband. COOKIES!! STOLEN COOKIES!
More than 13,000 boxes of NIlla Wafers and Ritz Bitz, to be more precise.
Poor Oak Ridge buyers got scammed into buying the stolen goods.

State police entered the Fraser location with guns drawn, causing a shock to the old ladies shopping further down the aisle.
The stolen items are worth more than $50,000.

ebay rip-off. jokes on you, dude.

from consumerist.com. very funny.

Pat won an auction for an RV on eBay last week. He bid a little over $15,000 for a vehicle that was listed for sale by the RV company for $29,999 on other sites. Pat was worried that Nelson's RV might try to find a loophole to cancel the auction since he'd scored such a great deal, so he immediately sent his required $250 deposit to them and asked for someone at Nelson's RV to contact him. Eventually, after some run around, he got the following email—with one of the ballsiest excuses we've ever seen.

We are devastated with our discovery this morning of a swarm of Africanized killer bees in the 2007 Sandpiper 325RG 5th wheel that you have a deposit on. We have used multiple poisons in an attempt eradicate them. We have vacuumed up the bees that covered the floors, cabinets, and furniture. We tried to clean the traces of honey on the countertops and cabinet tops as completely as possible. This is one of the terrible acts of Mother Nature we have in Arizona. As best we can determine, the bees entered from the door that had been left opened yesterday morning. The interior of this trailer does have a strong chemical odor from the poison and is TOXIC. Our insurance regulations prohibit us from selling this 5th wheel at this time.

Pat writes,
The two cans of “TOXIC” chemicals pictured in the second picture are indoor household foggers manufactured by Hot Shot and Ortho. Both were designed to be used, and are safe, for indoor use.

Within a few minutes of receiving the e-mail, I received another from PayPal indicating that my deposit had been refunded by Nelson RV.

My attorney advised me that he felt all the elements were in place for a contract and that even if their story were true, it should be my decision as to whether I wanted to accept the trailer in that condition. If a product that has been offered for sale does not turn out to be as advertised, then the buyer can decide to not go through with the sale. He told me that if I wanted it, I should send them an E-mail explaining my position and see how they respond.

So Pat resubmitted his $250 deposit and sent Nelson RV the following email:

After discussions with my attorney today and reviewing material safety data sheets of both the Ortho and Hot Shot brand indoor foggers that you used, I have decided that I will still take the 5th wheel. Thank you for disclosing the unfortunate event.

Please call me to arrange a time for closing as I intend on traveling to Arizona to pick up the Sandpiper within the next week.

This seemed to push Nelson RV to the breaking point, because they dropped the killer bees story and have turned to a new tactic, saying Pat was mistaken and never bought a trailer from them, and in fact there is no trailer anymore, so quit bothering them.

I received a call from Jim Nelson. Jim said that he understood that I “think” I have bought a trailer from Nelson RV and that it was just EBay and Bee’s nonsense that I was talking to James Nelson about. But that he had the owner there, Angelita Nelson, and that he was going to put her on the phone.

Angelita got on the phone and said “You did not buy a trailer from us and to quit calling and e-mailing us.” I Responded that the trailer was offered to the highest bidder in an auction, and that I was the highest bidder. Therefore I believe we have a contract for the sale. Angelina replied forcefully, “There is no contract! And we don’t even have the trailer anymore.” I responded by saying, that is not what the e-mails I have from you say, and I hope you still have the trailer because we have a deal. She then said in a very angry tone, “We do not have a deal! And we will not allow you to swindle us out of $15,000.” At which point the phone went dead.

GIT OUTA HERE MOWER OR I IS GONNA SHOOT YOU.

A man from Milwaukee is facing criminal charges after he solved a problem with his lawnmower by shooting it.

According to a criminal complaint, on Wednesday Keith Walendowski got drunk early in the morning. He decided to mow his lawn on the 3500 block of South Austin Street in Milwaukee.

He couldn't get the lawnmower to start. His solution? Prosecutors say Walendowski went to his basement and grabbed a sawed off shotgun, and he fired twice at the lawnmower.

"I'll tell you the truth. I got pissed because my lawn mower wouldn't start, so I got my shotgun and shot it," Walendowski said to an officer. "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want."

If convicted, Walendowski faces up to six years and 90 days behind bars and fines of $11,000.

A local lawnmower repairman tells the Journal Sentinel that Walendowski may have trouble fixing the mower noting that anything not factory recommended voids the warranty.

Fights over the kids religion just got more interesting.

Constitutional issues have been raised in a custody battle between a Satanist and Christian in Indiana.
They are both fighting for the right to raise their three children in their own respective religions.

Kristie Meyer has cited the religious beliefs of her former husband, Jamie, as the main reason why an Indiana judge should restrict his visitation rights. She wants the kids to go to church every sunday --- which is when teh children are with Jamie, per the divorce rights granted to him.

In a forthcoming court case in Fulton, Indiana, Mr Meyer may now be asked to prove that Satanism, which he says is about celebrating man's desires rather than worshipping the devil, is a real faith.

Meanwhile, legal observers say his former wife may have to show that Satanism - which is recognised as a religion by the US Internal Revenue Service - is harmful to their daughters' upbringing.

Mrs Meyer has argued that her ex-husband's public expression of satanic beliefs has embarrassed their children.

Hansen: Centenarian celebrates with women, wings

John Persinger turned 100 Wednesday and did what few new centenarians do.
He celebrated at Hooters, the politically incorrect restaurant chain known for hot wings served by young women in hot pants.

Persinger is a widower, so his wife didn't mind. Truth is, Vi wouldn't have minded anyway.
"We opened the place in 1993," he says in a low, sandpaper rumble. "We went for the shrimp and chicken wings."
And they became regulars. They'd been married almost 72 years when Vi died at 89.

Persinger doesn't exactly fit the Hooters demographic, but so what? You don't hit the 100 mark by paying strict attention to convention.
He's different from most of the 40,000 centenarians in the United States. All but 6,000 are women.

"I don't know how I did it," he says. "Good living, I guess. A lot of good food. Steaks, fried potatoes. I sip a little Royal Crown now and then."
Don't get the wrong idea. He means Crown Royal.

Persinger tells me it's hard to beat his onion rings, chili, pancakes, meatballs and, of course, his famous fried mush.
"Fry till it gets brown," he says, "add syrup and butter. Oh, it's really good."
I'll wait for meatball day. At 120 pounds, Persinger doesn't weigh much more than a plate of meatballs.

He was sturdier in his prime, during World War II when he watched a Japanese kamikaze pilot carry out a suicide mission.
"I was the oldest sailor on the USS Nashville," he says. "They called me 'Pops.' "

On Dec. 13, 1944, the ship was a few miles from the Philippines when a single-engine fighter came crashing down, two bombs strapped to the wings.
The plane hit, the bombs exploded. Flames and bodies were everywhere.
"He came right over the trees and hit us behind the stacks," says Persinger, who escaped injury. "Killed 133 sailors and wounded 197. But he didn't sink us."

Not everybody thinks Hooters was such a perfect party location. Some, apparently, would have preferred Chuck E. Cheese's.
"One guy at the church said, 'Didn't you hear the message this morning about looking at girls and everything?' I told him I was going to Hooters to eat chicken wings."

It's the truth, but maybe not the whole truth. Persinger has been known to ask the women if they'd like a 100-year-old kiss.
Talking about it, the 100-year-old man lets out a 100-year-old laugh, which seems like a decent consolation prize.
for pic

Police Logs from Ohio. [the best are in bold.]

Grant Street, Mansfield -- A 50-year-old man reported Sunday morning that a 29-year-old acquaintance has pressured him to have sex with her. When he refuses, she threatens to call the police and file false reports on him. The woman became irate and screamed at the officer who contacted her. She was told to stay away from the man.

15 year old steals car, runs.
Bartley Avenue -- A 35-year-old woman told Mansfield police early Saturday her 15-year-old daughter had stolen her car in order to run away. The woman said she received a call from her daughter saying she was on her way to Texas. The vehicle and description of the runaway were entered into national police databases.

600 block of Stocking Avenue --A 32-year-old woman told police someone stole a $900 mountain bike and a $300 BMX-style bike.

Winchester Road, Mansfield -- A 23-year-old Fourth Street man told police he returned to his car Sunday morning to find all four tires cut. He suspects it was his ex-girlfriend and her male friend, who he also accused of making several harassing phone calls to him.

Holiday Inn, 116 Park Avenue West, Mansfield -- A 38-year-old Mansfield man was arrested on suspicion of drunkenness and disorderly conduct Sunday morning after officers were called to his room for a second time about a loud party. He was told to leave and was arrested after becoming loud and challenging officers.


Kroger, 1240 Park Avenue West, Mansfield -- A 44-year-old Vennum Avenue man was given a summons for theft Sunday morning after a store employee said he took pork ribs and tenderloins worth $74.55. When stopped, the man told the employee he was returning the meat but didn't have his receipt. He later admitted stealing the items and said he was going to sell them and use the money to buy crack.