Funny Booze Rules.

*In Fairbanks, Alaska, it's illegal to serve liquor to a moose. By contrast, in Ohio it's legal to serve booze to a fish, but not if you get it drunk.

Ever since the repeal of Prohibition, alcohol laws in this country have been a bit nutty.
Take the business of bars. Some states mandate sitting, while others require standing at the bar to drink. Texans may take up to but not more than three sips of beer while standing. Some jurisdictions require the interior of public drinking establishments to be visible from the street; others specifically prohibit that.

*In Iowa it's illegal to run a tab. And don't even think of having a drop after closing hours there - not even if you own the bar. It's hard to imagine the incident that led to Iowa's law stating that if an employee pours water down the drain while a police officer is drinking at the bar, the water is considered an alcoholic beverage intended for unlawful purposes.
*Bars and restaurants in North Dakota are forbidden to serve beer and pretzels at the same time. Nebraska bars may not sell beer except when simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
*If you skip the bar and head to a liquor store in Indiana, you won't find any soda or milk in the cooler. They may, however, sell warm soft drinks. In California, no alcoholic beverages may be displayed within 5 feet of a cash register if the store sells both alcohol and motor fuel. Presumably so you don't confuse your Colt 45 with your 10W40.

*Philosophical drinkers in Houston might ponder the fact that it's illegal to buy beer after midnight Sunday but perfectly all right any time Monday, which starts - that's right - right after midnight Sunday.
*The law considers some things best left unsaid. Like the word refreshing, prohibited on any alcoholic beverage in the country. The newsletters and ads of California producers may not list retailers or restaurants that sell their products.
*In New York City, the word saloon is forbidden, a fact that restaurateur Michael O'Neil didn't realize until his sign was already up. Patrons now belly up to the bar of O'Neil's Baloon.

Legislators are adamant about protecting children under 21 from the demon rum. In Missouri, if your kid takes out the trash and it contains even one empty wine bottle, he can be charged with illegal possession of alcohol. In Michigan, it's illegal for a youngster to give a grown-up a bottle of booze. Pretty lenient, considering that in Kentucky even an adult could spend five years in jail for sending a gift of beer, wine or spirits to a friend.
*If the friend were in Texas, he might have a long wait, anyway, considering that delivery drivers carrying anything alcoholic must detour around the state's dry counties. Could this sort of clarity of thinking have anything to do with the fact that the entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a recipe for making beer that could be used at home?
*If you decide to send your youngster on a semester abroad to absorb some foreign common sense, don't imagine he'll get a taste of wine in Bordeaux or beer at the Hoffbrau Haus. The Drug Free Schools and Campuses Act prohibits Americans under 21 from conforming to the drinking laws and customs of their host countries.

Enough to make you sit down on the curb and cry. Which is perfectly legal in St. Louis, as long as, while you're sitting there, you don't also drink beer from a bucket.

If you like this story, be glad you live in Colorado and not Maryland, as this reporter would be unlikely to pass that state's stringent requirements concerning wine writers. Not only are they restricted to three bottles per brand of product samples, but they must first be certified as experts by an agency of the state.

I back it.

http://mylivesearch.com/

oldie but goodie...colbert in the NYT

A Mock Columnist, Amok

I was in my office, writing a column on the injustice of relative marginal tax rates for hedge fund managers, when I saw Stephen Colbert on TV.
He was sneering that Times columns make good “kindling.” He was ranting that after you throw away the paper, “it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade.” He was observing, approvingly, that “Dick Cheney’s fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into The New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann’s skull.”
I called Colbert with a dare: if he thought it was so easy to be a Times Op-Ed pundit, he should try it. He came right over. In a moment of weakness, I had staged a coup d’moi. I just hope he leaves at some point. He’s typing and drinking and threatening to “shave Paul Krugman with a broken bottle.”


I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)
By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important. And a lot of Americans feel confused about the current crop of presidential candidates.

For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.

Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where’s that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)

Others point to my new bestseller, “I Am America (And So Can You!)” noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: “After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.” On gender: “The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex.” On race: “While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.” On the elderly: “They look like lizards.”

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.

Who Will Succeed Al Gore?

Seeing Al Gore so deservedly share the Nobel Peace Prize, it is impossible not to note the contrast in his leadership and that of George W. Bush.

Mr. Gore and Mr. Bush each faced a crucible moment. For Mr. Gore, it was winning the popular vote and having the election taken away from him by a Republican-dominated Supreme Court. For Mr. Bush, it was the shocking terrorist attack on 9/11.

Mr. Gore lost the presidency, but in the dignity and grace with which he gave up his legal fight, he united America. Then, faced with what to do with the rest of his life, he took up a personal crusade to combat climate change, even though the odds were stacked against him, his soapbox was small, his audiences were measured in hundreds, and his critics were legion. Nevertheless, Mr. Gore stuck with it and over time has played a central role in building a global consensus for action on this issue.

“No matter what happens, sooner or later character in leadership is revealed,” said David Rothkopf. “Gore lost the election and had to figure out what to do with the rest of his life. He took the initiative to get the country and the world to focus on a common threat — climate change. Bush won the election and for the first year really didn’t know what to do with it. When, on 9/11, we and the world were suddenly faced with a common threat — terrorism and Al Qaeda — the whole world was ready to line up behind him, but time and again he just divided us at home and abroad.”

Indeed, Mr. Bush, rather than taking all that unity and using it to rebuild America for the 21st century, took all that unity and used it to push the narrow agenda of his “base.” He used all that unity to take a far-right agenda on taxes and social issues that was going nowhere on 9/10 and drive it into a 9/12 world.

Never has so much national unity — which could have been used to develop a real energy policy, reverse our coming Social Security deficit, assemble a lasting coalition to deal with Afghanistan and Iraq, maybe even get a national health care program — been used to build so little. That is what historians will note most about Mr. Bush’s tenure — the sheer wasted opportunity of it all.

“Gore, even without the presidency, used all the modern tools of communication, the Internet, video and globalization to reach out and galvanize a global movement,” Mr. Rothkopf said. “Bush took the greatest platform in the world and dug himself a policy grave.”

Now Mr. Bush is a spent force and Mr. Gore is, apparently, not running. Most of the Democratic candidates mouth the right words, but I don’t sense much real passion. Most of the Republican candidates seem to be brain-dead on the energy/climate challenge. And it is amazing to me how flat-out wrong some conservatives, like Rush Limbaugh, can be on this issue.

They can’t see what is staring us in the face — that in pushing American companies to become greener, we are pushing them to become more productive, more innovative, more efficient and more competitive.

In sum, Al Gore has been justly honored for highlighting — like no one else — the climate challenge. But we still need a vision, a strategy, an army and a commander in the White House who can inspire young and old — not only to meet that challenge but to see in it the opportunity to make America a better, stronger and more productive nation. This is our crucible moment.

for cute pic

click here

Cowell 'lookalike' is sentenced

I can't say I wouldn't do the exact same thing....

A lorry driver who attacked a student who told him he resembled X Factor judge Simon Cowell has been ordered to pay him £100 compensation.
Anthony Calvert, 45, flew into a rage when holidaymaker Adam Davies, 19, told him: "You look just like Simon Cowell".
Calvert, of Trefechan, Aberystwyth, hit Mr Davies, of Aberdare, Rhondda Cynon Taf, five times in the face, and admitted causing actual bodily harm.

Aberystwyth magistrates also gave him a suspended three-month prison sentence.

Prosecutor Craig Jones said: "Mr Davies remarked that he looked like Simon Cowell. Calvert asked him if he was serious and Mr Davies said: 'Yes, I am'


"Without further comment, Calvert then punched to him to the face several times."

I was just shocked and didn't see it coming at all
Calvert then left the Fountain Inn pub in Aberystwyth, but returned later and again hit Mr Davies.
Mr Davies suffered a swollen lip, bruised cheek and nose and a swollen forehead.

The student told magistrates: "I made a jest about him looking like Simon Cowell. I don't know why - it was just a bit of a joke.

"Then he punched me five times.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/mid_/7149503.stm

Wig Can’t Fool Cops

BELLAIRE — A Moundsville fugitive who managed to elude police for nearly two weeks was arrested in a Bellaire home Thursday while attempting to conceal his identity with a wig.

Bellaire police Lt. William Shallcross said Patrick Joseph Hall, 21, was arrested at 3210 Monroe St. in the All-American Town [?] at 7 p.m. Thursday. Shallcross said Hall was being held on a warrant for burglary and assault on an officer.

“Hall was taken to the Belmont County Jail and is now awaiting extradition to West Virginia,” Shallcross said late Thursday.

Shallcross said Bellaire officers received a tip about Hall from Trooper William Lemon of the West Virginia State Police. “Once we got the tip, we had an idea where he would probably be. Bridgeport and Shadyside units backed us up, and we went to the residence to make the arrest,” he said.

Though Hall allegedly had threatened there would be a shootout if police attempted to take him into custody on charges that stemmed from a November burglary in the Moundsville area, Shallcross said the suspect did not resist arrest Thursday.

“He did not attempt to resist arrest, but he did try to hide and tried to conceal his identity by wearing a wig. Obviously, that didn’t work,” Shallcross said.

Police attempted to arrest Hall Dec. 15 for burglary, but he reportedly jumped from the window of his home before fleeing on foot. Three days later, he avoided police and escaped from the Dorsey Apartments in Moundsville. The search for Hall included 25 homes over the course of those three days.

“We also believe there are some people who gave him some assistance in hiding from us, and these individuals could be charged with aiding and abetting,” Lemon said, noting those individuals suspected of helping Hall include residents of both Ohio and West Virginia.

Child's MP3 Gift Preloaded With Porn: Family Says Wal-Mart Sold Used Player Labeled As New

COOKEVILLE, Tenn. -- The family of a 10-year-old girl who received an MP3 video player for Christmas was shocked when it found the player was loaded with explicit songs and pornographic movie clips.

Cookeville resident Daryl Hill said his daughter was thrilled to find that Santa had left an MP3 player under the tree -- until she turned it on.

"Within 10 minutes, my daughter was crying," Hill told Nashville, Tenn., TV station WSMV.

There were video clips of XXX-rated sex scenes and the pornography on the player.

"I wish I could take the thoughts and images out of her head," said Hill.

The Hills had bought three MP3 players for their children that came from a Wal-Mart store in Sparta, Tenn. It turns out one of the MP3 players had been returned to the store from a previous owner who loaded sex clips, graphic war scenes and lyrics about using drugs.

The Hills want to know why Wal-Mart would sell used merchandise as new in the first place, which is in violation of its own policies.

"If they want to be a major retailer, they need to act like it," said Hill.

The manager at the Sparta Wal-Mart declined comment on the matter and referred WSMV to Wal-Mart's corporate office.

A Wal-Mart representative e-mailed WSMV confirming that stores are not supposed to return opened packages to the sales floor. They said they are working to get to the bottom of the problem.

The Hills said they have declined Wal-Mart's offer to replace the MP3 player. They've already bought their daughter a new one and are hanging onto the controversial one until they talk to a lawyer.

"Why We Write" #4: Carol Mendelsohn

Today’s piece is written by Carol Mendelsohn, member of the WGA Negotiating Committee as well as showrunner and executive producer of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, and co-creator and executive producer of CSI: Miami and CSI: New York.

Once, a long time ago in Upstate New York, far above Cayuga’s waters, on a cold winter’s night in a rundown cockroach infested dump that passed for a house in Collegetown, one of my roommates drew a picture of me. She did this because it was Saturday night and she wanted me to go out and I wanted to stay in and watch TV. (Footnote: back in the seventies, Saturday night was the best night of television. ALL IN THE FAMILY. MASH. MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW. CAROL BURNETT SHOW. LOVE BOAT. Imagine that).

Anyway, upon seeing the drawing, my other roommates heartily nodded their approval, for Ilene Greenberg had captured the true essence of me with her number two pencil and a sheet of plain white paper. (INSERT CSI SHOT HERE).

Okay, I’ll give you a clue, which is what I mostly do when I’m not walking the picket line for a fair deal in new media. My head was square. And protruding from the top of my pancake flat skull were two rabbit ears. Not the plushy, furry kind. Ilene had drawn a human television set. (Second Footnote: This was the Dark Ages, before plasmas, DirecTV, Electronic Sell Through and Streaming).

I was one of the first viewers to loyally embrace television. I was only three when my family’s first black and white TV set was plugged into the living room wall. It was more cabinet than TV, but I loved it with a passion that has consumed my entire life.

I quickly became a walking encyclopedia of TV facts and trivia. I watched everything, which in Chicago was only three network stations and the great WGN, Channel 9, which played Hollywood movies, all day and all night, when the Cubs weren’t in season.

My childhood, except for school and going to movies on State Street, revolved around that TV. It was years later that I found out people actually feared television was going to destroy the movie business. If they’d only asked me, I could’ve told them TV wasn’t going to cannibalize theatricals. TV was additive. Love one, love both.

In high school, one of my teachers took an informal poll. She asked our class, “How many hours of TV do you watch a week?” I watched 49 hours. From the moment I got up in the morning to the moment I went to sleep. TV was my best friend.

In study hall, while others were studying, I was conjuring up episodes of the Big Valley and The Virginian in my head. I could hear the voices of my favorite characters. And when a line I made up didn’t sound right, I’d rewrite it. Some things never change.

I never told anyone about these ‘voices’. I didn’t want to be labeled as a crazy. It wasn’t until I got my first staff job that I confessed my eccentricity. And that’s when I discovered that someone else heard voices, too.

Writers hear voices. Which is why I never think of writing as writing. To me, it’s more like dictation. Which raises a fundamental question. If I’m not doing the writing, who is?

Due to the overwhelming sense of camaraderie and solidarity I now feel toward all writers on the picket lines, at Friday rallies and membership meetings, I can be honest here. I believe that when certain WGA members pass on, they go to a Writers Room in the sky. And when you are stuck on a scene or a story isn’t working, if you just ‘knock on the door of the universe’ before you go to sleep and ask for help, those Writers in the Sky will pull an all-nighter and have a fix for you in the morning. (Third Footnote: This in no way should be construed as a template for a Streaming or Electronic Sell Through deal, as no payment is involved).

A writer is born, but never dies. His or her work lives on. Even in the head of some kid from Chicago.

So why do I write? I write because I hear the voices of those Writers in the Sky. And I believe there’s a deal to be made that will put us all back to work, but that it has to be negotiated by people on both sides of the table who know the value of those voices.

Antarctic base staff evacuated after Christmas brawl

Two men, one with a suspected broken jaw, have been airlifted from the Antarctic's most remote research facility after an incident described as a "drunken Christmas punch-up".
The brawl happened at the US-operated Amundsen-Scott South Pole station, located at the heart of the frozen continent. The station, where staff carry out a range of scientific investigations from astrophysics to seismology, is currently being rebuilt in a £76m project.

They were flown back to McMurdo, but it was decided the man's injuries were too serious to be treated in Antarctica and he was taken on to Christchurch, New Zealand, accompanied by a nurse and a paramedic.
Many of the McMurdo staff had been expecting a day off for Christmas but support workers returned to work to deal with the rare emergency medical evacuation.

A spokeswoman at Christchurch Hospital said a man was admitted on Christmas Day and discharged the following day.

"There was an altercation between two people -- there's no indication of the cause or of the background between the two folks," said Peter West, spokesman for the National Science Foundation which manages the US Antarctic programme.

The injured man is an employee of Raytheon Polar Services, one of America's largest defence contractors. A company spokeswoman, Val Carroll, said an investigation into the incident would be held. She said it was company policy not to release names of the two men.

The other man involved in the incident has flown back to the United States.

Polar medivac flights are rare occurrences, one of the most dramatic being a midwinter flight in 1999 for a woman doctor who developed breast cancer and needed urgent treatment.

Cigna stands by decision on transplant

Krikor Sarkisyan, holds a photograph of his daughter Nataline, 17, who died after being denied a liver transplant from her insurance company.
The insurer defends its initial denial of a liver procedure for a teen who died last week.

A Friday funeral was set for the Northridge teenager who died last week after her insurer refused to pay for a liver transplant and then reconsidered. Meanwhile, the girl's health plan stood by its initial decision Monday.

Philadelphia-based Cigna HealthCare has a record of approving coverage for more than 90% of all transplants requested by its members, as well as more than 90% of the liver transplants, company President David Cordani said in a memo addressed to employees and distributed to members of the media.

Nataline Sarkisyan's request was evaluated on an expedited basis using "evidence-based guidelines published by independent physician and medical organizations, as well as expert scientific journals," Cordani said.

A leukemia patient, 17-year-old Nataline had been in intensive care at UCLA Medical Center for about three weeks after suffering complications following a successful bone marrow transplant Nov. 21, relatives said. She was covered under the policy of her mother, a real estate agent.

UCLA doctors put her on a list for a liver transplant Dec. 6 and a liver became available four days later, the family said. Her doctors told Cigna in a letter that patients in similar situations had a 65% chance of living six months if they received a liver transplant.

But the transplant was not done because Cigna deemed it experimental in Nataline's case and refused to pay for it.

The denial was publicized by the California Nurses Assn., the Armenian community and the Daily Kos blog on the Internet -- a campaign that resulted in telephone calls and e-mails to Cigna urging it to reconsider.

But last Thursday, Cigna made an exception and agreed to pay for Nataline's transplant because of the "unique circumstances of this situation," Cordani said in the memo.

The company authorized the transplant even though it still considered it experimental -- and therefore outside the scope of her coverage -- and "despite a lack of medical evidence regarding the effectiveness of such treatment," Cordani said.

But it was too late. The decision came the day Nataline died after her family decided, in light of her deteriorating condition, to take her off life support.

The family blamed Cigna's delay in obtaining coverage approval for her death and have said they would file a lawsuit.


this is just sick. i hope htey sue the pants off of cigna. heartless bastards, really.....come on. she's 17 and has lukemia...what about that is experimental?
bollocks.

just want to throw it out there.

I had whole milk on my cereal this morning.
it was amazing and i don't even feel bad about it.

back to the basics: here's a song of the day.
[I love dee dee]
EVIL...embedding is disabled on all b. girls videos.
so, just follow this link. please.

“Fresh Prince’s” Carlton is dating a porn star

It seems the Fresh Prince’s Alfonso Ribeiro has led quite the un-Carlton Banks-like lifestyle since leaving Will Smith’s side 11 years ago. Sure he did a good little spin on “Dancing with the Stars,” a nice, family-oriented wholesome show. But it turns out Carlton (I can’t call him Alfonso so we’re sticking with Carlton) is quite the club-hopping, hoochie-dating former c-list star. (I don’t have an actual breakdown of how the list works, so I averaged that Carlton was somewhere between a b and d list star, and definitely isn’t on any list right now, so he’s a former c-list star). Carlton is often videotaped and featured on TMZ’s website going in and out of clubs, most notably L.A. hot spots Hyde and Les Deux. Which also means that Hyde and Les Deux are a lot less selective than we thought. Either that or they’re letting Carlton in on the novelty factor. Or forcing him to do “The Carlton” – that awesome snapping dance he’d do to Tom Jones’ “It’s Not Unusual.”

Apparently his snappy dance moves have also snagged him quite the babe. Not willing to settle for a regular old aspiring model or a former Playboy playmate, Carlton has hooked up with a porn star. You know Uncle Phil would not be cool with that, and would probably threaten to cut him off from the inheritance.

Shocker! Former “Fresh Prince” dancing dweeb Alfonso Ribeiro is hanging out with the classiest of ladies, Ashlynn Brooke. Never heard of her? You might if you select your DVDs from the Adult section. She’s a porn star! But she’s soooo much more. This is what she says about herself on her official website:

“Hey y’all! Welcome to my official Web site! My name is Ashlynn Brooke and I’m 22 years old. I’m a very sensual and sexual girl, and I love sharing my pleasure with everyone. Come join me where I will show you all of my wild adventures, naughty fantasies and sexual escapades. xo, Ashlynn”

Yung Joc Arrested With Gun In Airport

Grammy nominated rapper Yung Joc was arrested in Cleveland, Ohio this morning, after he allegedly attempted to pass through an airport security check point with a fully loaded handgun.

According to police, Yung Joc attempted to pass through a security checkpoint at the Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, when police found the fully loaded firearm.

The Atlanta-bred rapper, born Jasiel Robinson, is currently facing local firearms charges, although he may face charges under the Air Piracy Act.
Yung Joc is currently in the Cuyahoga County Jail. Information on his bail was unavailable as of press time.
The arrest comes on the heels of a banner year for Yung Joc, according to recently released data released by The Nielsen Company.

The rapper is featured on T-Pain’s hit single "Buy You A Drank," which was the top selling master tone of 2007, as well as the most played single of the year, tallying almost 400,000 spins.
Yung Joc also released his second album Hustlenomic$ this year, which produced the hit single "Coffee Shop."

What the media forgot to add is "brother is stupid" and "what type of asshole brings a LOADED GUN through security? for god's sake, man, throw it in your suit case.

Beer losing its fizzle in Germany

BERLIN (Reuters) - Germans are losing their taste for beer, according to the German brewery association.

Per-capita consumption of beer in Germany, once the world's largest consumer of the drink, fell by 3.5 liters in 2007 to 112.5 liters -- the eighth decline in the last nine years.

Brewery Association managing director Peter Hahn told Die Welt newspaper on Monday demographics were partly to blame for the fall from a peak of 156 liters in the 1980s.

But Germans are also drinking more non-alcoholic beverages, industry figures show.

Only once in the last nine years did beer consumption in Germany rise -- in 2006 when it hosted the World Cup. It has long since fallen behind the Czech Republic and Ireland."

J Records Drops Ruben Studdard

The former “American Idol” winner Ruben Studdard has been dropped from J Records according to a rep from the label.

His debut album Soulful, which was released in 2003, is certified platinum. His gospel follow up I Need An Angel, also did well and reached gold status. His latest album The Return however was met with lackluster sales, moving barely 235,000 units.

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, he is set to play the Jazz pianist Fats Weller in a national theatre tour of Ain’t Misbehavin.
AWESOME

Studdard will be making a holiday appearance with his old band Just a Few Cats, at the WorkPlay soundstage this weekend in his hometown Birmingham, Alabama.

Huge human Xmas tree

Dec. 24 - Fifty-thousand people have gathered in Taiwan to form a human Christmas tree with a difference - it's on wheels!

Residents from across the port city of Kaohsiung have come up with a unique plan to celebrate Christmas and promote environmental awareness over the holiday season.

Clinton urges Iowa voters to caucus on wrong day

ooohhhh....rough bid.

DES MOINES (Reuters) - Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton may have shot herself in the foot trying to get Iowa voters to pledge support to her -- she is encouraging them to go caucus on January 14, 11 days too late.

At a rally featuring her husband, former U.S. President Bill Clinton on Saturday, campaign workers asked supporters to sign and mail cards that said "Yes! I'm an Iowan for Hillary" with their contact information as well as other supportive friends.

One small problem. In the upper right-hand corner of the card, it says "I, _____, pledge to support Hillary Clinton at my precinct caucus on January 14, 2008."

Unfortunately, that's 11 days too late. The Iowa caucuses are January 3 and organization is key to getting voters to go to the events and support their preferred candidate.

Revealed: The seven great "medical myths"

Hey Mom: BLOW ME.



*You need to drink 8 glasses of water a day
Despite frequent mentions in the popular press of the need to drink eight glasses of water, there is scientific basis for the claim.

* Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight
The majority of eye experts believe it is unlikely to do any permanent damage, but it may make you squint, blink more and have trouble focusing, the researchers said.

* Shaving makes hair grow back faster or coarser
It has no effect on the thickness or rate of hair regrowth, studies say. But stubble lacks the finer taper of unshaven hair, giving the impression of coarseness.

* Eating turkey makes you drowsy
It does contain an amino acid called tryptophan that is involved in sleep and mood control. But turkey has no more of the acid than chicken or minced beef. Eating lots of food and drink at Christmas are probably the real cause of sleepiness.

* We use only 10 percent of our brains

This myth arose as early as 1907 but imaging shows no area of the brain is silent or completely inactive.

* Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death

This idea may stem from ghoulish novels. The researchers said the skin dries out and retracts after death, giving the appearance of longer hair or nails.

* Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals
Despite widespread concerns, studies have found minimal interference with medical equipment.

Kyrgyzstan touted as ideal delivery hub for Santa

BISHKEK (Reuters) - Seeking a novel remedy to revive its rickety economy, the tiny ex-Soviet state of Kyrgyzstan has declared itself the new home of Santa Claus.

Citing Swedish engineering firm that determined the ideal spot for Santa's global toy delivery hub, officials in this predominantly Muslim country have quickly moved to capitalize on the finding.

They named a mountain peak after Santa, to join Mounts Lenin, and Yeltsin, and declared 2008 "The Year of Santa Claus".

"Its slogan will be "Kyrgyzstan is the land of Santa Clauses", said Kyrgyz tourism authority spokeswoman Nurkhon Tajibayeva.

In most Western countries Santa Claus, or Father Christmas , is thought to live at the North Pole or in Finland. However, if he were located in Central Asia and started westwards on his traditional Christmas Eve trips, Kyrgyz officials said he would have a more efficient delivery route.

"He can eliminate time-consuming detours and avoid subjecting his reindeer to undue strain," engineering consultants at Stockholm-based Sweco, who used geography and demographics in their research, said in a press release.

A group of professional mountain-climbers will pitch the country's flag at the newly renamed peak, Kyrgyzstan's tourism authority said, while a world festival of Santas is planned for the capital's main square

favorite words of the year from NYTimes`

nose bidet n.

A neti pot or nasal irrigator, said to help with allergy symptoms.


boom n.

Left of boom describes the “before” strategy of the United States military, including efforts to root out insurgents and prevent military attacks; right of boom describes the military’s “after” strategy, including efforts to minimize the effect of attacks with battle-hardened equipment and improved medical care.


vegansexual n.

A person who eats no meat, uses no animal-derived goods and prefers not to have sex with non-vegans.


wide stance, to have a v. phr.

To be hypocritical or to express two conflicting points of view. When Senator Larry Craig was arrested in a public restroom and accused of making signals with his foot that the police said meant he was in search of anonymous gay sex, Mr. Craig said it was a misunderstanding and that he just had a wide stance when using the toilet. The incident also popularized the derogatory term “toe-tapper,” meaning a gay man.

IT'S NOT JUST THE POLAR BEARS ANYMORE.

Experts: global warming killing off Alaskan walruses


Federal experts studying global warming in Alaska are reporting walrus are dying by the thousands every year and they say there's only so much they can do about it.

A walrus expert [a WHAT] for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service says dwindling sea ice has led to the deaths of 3,000 to 4,000 walrus last year on the Russian side of the sea that touches Alaska and Russia. She says federal authorities can restrict hunters, ship traffic and offshore oil drilling but they can't "make ice cubes."

A Russian expert says the loss of the same number of walrus this year could be disastrous.

Authorities also say the loss of sea ice will force them to decide within weeks weather to list polar bears as "threatened" under the federal Endangered Species Act.

Global warming causing China's glaciers to melt quickly

BEIJING (AFP) — Global warming has caused some of China's glaciers -- a source for many of Asia's greatest rivers -- to have melted by more than 18 percent over the past five years, state media reported Friday.

A survey of nearly 20,000 square kilometres (8,000 square miles) of China's glaciers showed they were on average 7.4 percent smaller than five years ago, Caijing magazine said, citing a government-funded survey.

A glacier along the upper reaches of the Brahmaputra River on the Tibetan plateau had shrunk by more than 18 percent, the survey found.

Two other glacial areas in China's far northwest Xinjiang region had also melted by more than 18 percent.

"Global warming is causing grave loss to glaciers and it has become a burning need to monitor changes of glacial reserves," the researchers from the China Academy of Sciences said as they released their findings.

China's glaciers, in the west of the country, feed many of Asia's greatest rivers, including the Yangtze, Mekong, Yellow and Ganges, as well as the Brahmaputra.
[AN ASIDE: LISTEN TO THE GANGES SERIES FROM WEEKEND EDITION. FUCKING GREAT.]

In the past four decades, China's glaciers shrank by 3,248 square kilometres, or 5.5 percent since the 1960s, according to previous studies published in the state-run press.

One of China's top glaciologists, Yao Tangdong, warned last year of an "ecological catastrophe" in Tibet because of global warming.

He said most glaciers in the region could melt away by 2100.

Happy Festivus day...everyone

...and this from the girl who only likes Seinfeld...

Rudolph, The Naughty Reindeer

Cops: Man took kids on X-rated Christmas display vandalism spree

DECEMBER 20--A Georgia man was arrested this week for allegedly directing a band of middle school students to vandalize neighborhood Christmas displays by placing reindeer lawn ornaments in lewd positions. According to police, John Scott Hayes, 46, drove the underage posse around in the bed of his Ford Super Duty truck as they scoped out targets in Cobb County. A criminal warrant charges that Hayes, a Marietta resident, sought to "find reindeer lawn ornaments and place them in sexually suggestive positions." Hayes was nabbed after a witness spotted him and his merry band of 8-10 minors, who are members of the Mabry Middle School football team, and followed Hayes back to his residence. He is now facing an assortment of misdemeanor raps, including contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and has refused to identify his underage coconspirators. Hayes was booked into the Cobb County lockup and released after posting $2500 bond.

'Werewolf boy' - who snarls and bites - on the run from police after escaping Moscow clinic

Russian police are hunting a "werewolf boy" - who snarls and bites - after he escaped from a Moscow clinic just a day after being rescued from the wild.
Doctors expressed shock saying he was found living with a pack of wolves in a remote forest in the Kaluga region of central Russia.

The 'werewolf boy' has escaped from a Moscow clinic just a day after he was found. It is thought he was raised by wolves and his toenails are like claws

"He's clearly dangerous to other people," said a police spokesman yesterday.

"He's got typical wolf-like habits and behaviour.

"He has very strong and sharp teeth, which could really endanger someone if he bites."

The boy looks about ten - but after tests conducted by Moscow medics, they believe he maybe much older.

They are puzzled because he appears intelligent but does not seem to speak Russian or any other language. It is suspected he has been running wild for many years.

Such cases are not uncommon in Russia where there have been regular reports of 'Mowgli' children abandoned by their parents who are cared for by animals.

The boy moves around with his legs half bent, said Tvoi Den newspaper. "He was running with wolves and searching for food with them."

Villagers found this "wild creature" in a lair made of leaves and sticks in freezing temperatures and told the police who named him Lyokha, though his real identity is not known.

The 'werewolf boy' looks about ten - but Moscow medics believe he may be much older

"He's dirty, hungry, and looked to have had a hard time," said the police spokesman. "We brought him to a clinic in Moscow.

"It was simply unbelievable. He doesn't react when we call to him." Medics gave him clothes and said that he sprang down the corridor, bursting into his room and devouring his food like an animal.

His nails on his feet were like claws.

After 24 hours he had evaded security men at the clinic and escaped. He is now believed to be on the loose in Moscow region.

"We didn't even manage to complete the proper medical checks. We only succeeded in giving him a shower, cutting his nails and took some blood and other tests," said a doctor.

"It's quite possible he is a dangerous with psychological problems but also a source of viruses and infections."

Woman with 'fear of driving' facing a ban for crawling along motorway at 10mph

A woman who suffers a driving phobia is facing a ban after police caught her crawling along a motorway at 10mph.

Stephanie Cole, 57, was spotted in her Malaysian-made Perodua Kenari with a sign in the back which read "I do not drive fast, please overtake", a court heard yesterday.

She was straddling the hard shoulder and the inside lane of the M32 in Bristol and, despite driving at walking pace, repeatedly jammed on her brakes.

Officers pulled Mrs Cole over, and she told them: "I'm scared. I've no confidence on the motorway. Last time this happened a policeman drove me there."

Mrs Cole, of Fishponds, Bristol, pleaded guilty by letter to driving without reasonable consideration.

In the letter read to North Avon Magistrates' Court Mrs Cole said her GP had been treating her for a "fear of driving" for the last three-and-a-half years.

She said: "I have suffered from a driving anxiety for some time and I have been receiving counselling for the problem. I apologise for my behaviour. I think a driver improvement course would help."

Dalai Lama "is not a call girl"

OTTAWA (Reuters) - When Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper tried to explain in a year-end interview why he'd met the Dalai Lama in his Ottawa office, it was clear he wanted to show respect for the exiled Tibetan leader.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite come out that way.

"I met the Dalai Lama in my office but I meet everyone in my office. I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl," Harper told OMNI television.

He quickly added: "As I say, he's a respected international spiritual leader."

China condemns the Dalai Lama as a separatist and presses world leaders to shun him. German Chancellor Angela Merkel met him in September, but only in private, and last month the Vatican called off a meeting with the Pope set for December 13.

Harper is a strong critic of China's human rights record and what he calls the "undemocratic regime" in Beijing.

China condemned Harper for "disgusting conduct" in late October after he met the Dalai Lama in his parliamentary office with television cameras and photographers present.

The Dalai Lama -- who fled his predominantly Buddhist homeland in 1959 after a failed uprising against Communist rule -- was granted honorary Canadian citizenship in June.

...and I thought OUR president flubbed a lot.

,.....brain....exploding....

Time may be running out

Time may literally be running out - and could one day vanish altogether, according to a bizarre new theory.

The suggestion has been put forward to explain a cosmological mystery that has baffled scientists.

A decade ago, measurements of the light from distant exploding stars showed the universe to be expanding at an accelerating rate.

Physicists assumed that a kind of anti-gravitational force must be driving the galaxies apart, and gave it the name "dark energy".

However, to this day no-one has been able to say what dark energy is or where it comes from.

The new theory from Professor Jose Senovilla, at the University of the Basque Country in Bilbao, Spain, offers a radical alternative idea.

He believes there is no such thing as dark energy. Instead, he says we have been fooled into thinking the expansion of the universe is accelerating because time itself is slowing down.

At our local everyday level, the change would be imperceptible. But it would be obvious from cosmic scale measurements tracking the course of the universe over billions of years.

Astronomers work out the speed of the universe's expansion from the frequency of light emitted by certain types of supernovae, or exploding stars. However, these measurements depend on our current perception of time, says Prof Senovilla.

If time has been slowing down, and clocks are now running more slowly than they did long ago, it would appear from our perspective as if things have been speeding up. Looking back over billions of years, galaxies would seem to be travelling away from each other faster and faster at various intervals since the Big Bang.

Jailed for dog's Nazi salute

A HITLER-loving German has been jailed for teaching his alsatian-cross Adolf how to perform a Nazi salute.
The ex-car salesman, known only as Roland T, trained the dog to raise its paw sharply when he heard the words “Heil Hitler”.


Performing a Nazi salute is illegal in Germany — but Roland boasted of his pet’s talent, even to police.

Adolf is now at an animal shelter while his owner spends five months in a Berlin jail. Staff are attempting to retrain the dog to do a shake-a-paw movement instead of the salute.

Berlin shelter spokeswoman Evamarie Konig said: “We want to stop him raising his leg too high.”

Roland, 58, who says Adolf was born on the same day as the Fuhrer, may not get the pet back.

He was planning to have the animal put down on the anniversary of Hitler’s suicide.

Scheduled appearance in deliberation among THSBCA: Clemens wants to speak at convention

HOUSTON -- The Texas High School Baseball Coaches Association met on Tuesday to discuss Roger Clemens' scheduled appearance at a convention next month, but the group concluded that it will need more time before a final decision is made.

Clemens is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at a Jan. 12 convention in Waco, with the topic focusing on Clemens' workout routine and how he played so long in the Major Leagues.

The association was considering canceling the appearance, but as of Tuesday, they're still pondering the issue.

"We feel we need more time to digest the information before we can make a decision," Brenham head coach Jim Long said. "Right now, he is scheduled to come."

Humble High School head coach David Sitton, the THSBCA president, spoke with Clemens on Tuesday.

"Roger said he still wants to come," Long said.

After learning that Clemens made a public statement denying all allegations regarding steroid use, Long and his associates decided they need more time to review the situation. They will probably make a final call when they meet for a national convention scheduled for Jan. 3-5.

"We'll look at information from today," Long said. "We'll see if anything comes out in the next couple days."

hey kids, you bend over. its just a little needle. it doesnt hurt i swear. thats how i train.

"Bob the Builder" sock is clue in Dutch arson case

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Thanks to a "Bob the Builder" sock, police in the Dutch town of 't Zandt say they have caught their main suspect in a string of arson attacks: a 20 year-old caught red-handed setting another fire late on Tuesday.


With help from Amsterdam police and infrared cameras from the Dutch army, police say they were able to arrest the suspect during an arson attempt in the northern village of 900, which has had 17 homes, sheds and buildings deliberately set on fire.

Local police showed the children's sock found at one of the arson sites on television, which resulted in numerous leads that narrowed the list of suspects.

"From the tips we received, we could link the sock to the main suspect," 't Zandt police spokesman Rob Vos told a news conference. A 10,000 euro (7,180) reward was offered for tips.

The suspect's girlfriend has also been apprehended and police say they have not ruled out more possible arrests.

uuhhhh, seriously? Bob the Builder is for 5 year olds. Where do you even buy adult sized bob the builder socks?

Top ten worst Christmas cracker jokes ever

A survey by Nuts magazine has produced a top ten most groan-inducing festive gags, with a witticism about Santa's choice of pizza securing the top spot.
The joke asks: What is Santa's favourite pizza?

Answer: One that's deep pan, crisp and even.
Andrew Linn, Professor of Linguistics at the University of Sheffield, deconstructed the joke.
"The essence of a fine joke is clever and original use of language, often exploiting some sort of ambiguity.
"This joke has been voted the worst Christmas cracker joke because it is almost too clever," Prof Linn said.
"It uses ambiguity in how the words are put together ('deep pan' = 'deep and') as well as contextual ambiguity (pizzas and a Christmas carol).
"In short, once you get it, it's a real groaner."
But what are the favourite jokes of Telegraph readers?
Our top ten jokes sent in by readers include some classic cracker jokes that have been around for generations, as well as a few clever ones thrown in.
If you don't agree with our list, send in your favourite.

What's brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
Bourneville and Dean

What's a specimen?
An Italian Astronaut

What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?
A do you think he saw us!

What do you call a man with brown paper trousers?
Russell

What do you call a man with a pole through his leg?
Rodney

Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He's a fun guy to be with.

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.

Who was England's first chiropodist?
William the Corncurer

Why should husbands make the early morning tea for their wives?
Because the Bible says He Brews

What's the longest word in the English language?
Smiles, because there is a "mile" between the first and the last letters.

Nuts magazine's top 10 worst Christmas cracker jokes.

1. What is Santa's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

2. On which side do chickens have the most feathers?

The outside.

3. What kind of paper likes music?

(W)rapping paper.

4. What's white and goes up?

A confused snowflake.

5. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

Annette.

6. Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?

It blew away.

7. What's furry and minty?

A polo bear.

8. How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle.

9. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

10. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

Lost.

Thank you Avenger

...annnddd......OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

MISS PRISS is knocked up.

baby daddy?

[Ed, the tall...ugly one.]

It's just trashy. Y'all are sleaze bags.

Roger Clemens, who won the Cy Young award a record seven times, and several players who won baseball’s most valuable player award were among dozens of players named Thursday in the former Senator George Mitchell’s report on his investigation into the use of performance-enhancing drugs in the sport.

Top, G. Paul Burnett/The New York Times; above, Suzy Allman for The New York Times
Andy Pettitte, top, and Roger Clemens were among those named in the report.

Clemens was the most prominent name in the report, along with the Most Valuable Player award-winners Barry Bonds, Ken Caminiti, Jose Canseco, Jason Giambi, Juan Gonzalez, Sammy Sosa and Miguel Tejada.

The report also includes the names of four of the top 10 home-run leaders of all time: Bonds, Sosa, Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmiero.

Bar Staff Ask 'Old Fart' to Go Outside to Pass Gas

A retired bus driver who describes himself as "an old fart" has received a written request from the social club at which he drinks to step outside when he passes gas, the Telegraph reports.

Maurice Fox, 77, received the formal request from the Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in England amid claims his flatulence was "disgusting" other customers.

"I do get a bit windy — I am an old fart now," he said.

According to the letter: "After several complaints regarding your continual breaking of wind (farting) while in the club, would you please consider that your actions are considered disgusting to fellow members and visitors."

Fox said he had tried switching from cider to bitter in hopes of alleviating his gas but said the 6 pints of Bass he drinks a day still leave him feeling windy.

Journalists place fake bombs on planes

Two journalists wearing “Al Qaeda Airline” uniforms have walked into a Romanian airport and placed fake bombs onboard planes.

An investigation has been launched after the pair entered Baneasa Airport in Bucharest dressed in hats and overalls marked "Al Qaeda Airlines".

The journalists from the Academia Catavencu newspaper drove into a supposedly secure staff car park unchallenged.

They put fake bombs on passenger planes before going to a section of the airport which is used by the military.

The transport ministry has now started an investigation.

Hmmmm. Something’s different about you

STOYSTOWN, Pa. - Police said a Somerset County man fled a traffic stop, went home, shaved his mustache and changed his clothes, and reported the truck he was driving as stolen.

Conemaugh Township police said they stopped Robert Sadlon, 50, for a broken taillight on Thanksgiving night and he ran off. Later, the same officer went to Sadlon’s home near Stoystown to investigate the reported theft. There, he found a just-shaven Sadlon in different clothes.

Sadlon is charged with drunken driving, escape and related charges.

Body stuck in windshield after fatal hit-run

this is just dirty.
GREEN BAY, Wis. - A motorist accused of hitting two pedestrians and driving home with one of them lodged in his windshield pleaded no contest Wednesday to four felonies, including homicide.

Authorities said Steven Warrichaiet hit the pedestrians after he left a friend’s house late July 8. He continued to drive nearly a mile to his home with the body of Tyrone Ware, 50, in his windshield, officials said. Joann Carroll-Hildahl, 42, was found in the street with serious injuries but survived.

Warrichaiet called police about six hours later to report he had been in an accident and thought he hit someone, authorities said. Ware was pronounced dead after officers arrived.


Officials have said Warrichaiet’s blood alcohol level was 0.18 percent about six hours after the crash, or more than twice the legal limit for driving. He had been drinking heavily at a friend’s home before trying to drive home.

Warrichaiet’s attorney, Jeff Cano, did not return a message seeking comment Wednesday evening.

Warrichaiet, 40, faces 47 years in prison plus 30 years of supervised release when he is sentenced in February.

He pleaded no contest to charges of homicide by intoxicated use of a motor vehicle, hit and run resulting in death, injury by intoxicated use of a motor vehicle,and hit and run causing great bodily harm.

Bank robbers claim it’s college that’s highway robbery

CINCINNATI - Two college students say the high cost of tuition led them into a life of crime. It forced them to rob a bank.

It may sound like a new twist on “the dog ate my homework,” but they’re hoping it will get some sympathy. The two young men pleaded guilty to aggravated robbery and kidnapping and are looking at up to 20 years in prison at their sentencing Dec. 27.

Andrew Butler, 20, of the University of Toledo, told Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Steve Martin Monday that tuition increases outpaced his scholarships and financial aid. Christopher Avery, 22, at the University of Cincinnati, said he couldn’t pay for summer classes after an internship at a grocery store fell through.


“I was strapped for cash,” Avery said. “I thought I had nothing to lose.”

Armed with guns and wearing masks, Butler and Avery made off with $130,000 from a crowded Valley Central Savings Bank in suburban Reading on July 17, said Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Brian Goodyear.

An attempt to rob a check-cashing business a day earlier was thwarted when the students couldn’t get through the business’ security system despite firing four shots at the bullet-resistant glass, Goodyear said.

The men were caught after trying to switch cars. A witness who thought they were acting suspiciously called the cops. Look for their education to continue at the School of Hard Knocks.

Thieves steal 17 tons of ham in Australia; leave a ’Merry Christmas’ message

SYDNEY, Australia - Thieves stole 17.6 tons of ham and bacon from a warehouse and left behind a message busting the owners’ chops, police said today.

"Thanks," the crooks daubed on a wall of the Zammit Ham and Bacon curers warehouse in suburban Sydney. "Merry Christmas."

Police said the robbery occurred some time between late afternoon Saturday and dawn Sunday.

Owner Anthony Zammit said that when he arrived for work today he found a hole in a wall of the building where the thieves appeared to have entered. The stolen meat was worth up to $88,000, he said.

Zammit said he was offering a $4,420 reward for anyone who helped to recover the meat, and that his company would work overtime to make sure all its Christmas orders were filled.

"We’re working 24 hours a day, seven days a week and put on extra staff," he said. "We won’t let anyone down."