13 Year Old Steals Dad's Credit Card to Buy Hookers

Now THIS is 'MERican.

A 13 year old Texan boy was convicted of fraud for stealing Daddy's credit card and ordering 2 hookers.
Ralph, of Newark, confessed to the $30,000 spree. The outcome? A bunch of kids with boners playing Halo in a motel. With hookers awkwardly watching.

Ralphie was busted when the ho's called the cops, saying they found it strange the boys would rather play with xBox than real Box.
Cops were also tipped off by a concierge, after the boys ordered obscene amounts of Dr Pepper, Fritos, and Oreos, and asked where to score some pay-for-pussy action.
What excuse did they give for having the money? Winning big at World of Warcraft.
Oh, you...crafty youth...

lies that Ralph told throughout this event: [not exact quotes, though ideas acurate.]
to cops: my dad wont mind. it was my birthday last week. he didnt buy me anything, he was too busy. but he should take me on a trip to Disney.

to concierge: well, buying sluts seems to be the thing to do coming of this WoW high.

to the sluts: were people of restrcited growth. traveling with the circus. were actually like 40. and its illegal to discriminate against us.


two asides: they ordered THOUSAND DOLLAR hookers. and Ralph aspires to enter a career in politics.